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Broken? Stanza IV – Part II

August 3, 2012 by  
Filed under Becky Ward, Broken

Give us strength to meet the challenge,
that the world does but provide.
Let us see the spiritual battle,
and from TRUTH, let us not hide.

Over the course of my conversion, among the insights, illuminations, and little Ah-Ha! moments I have experienced, there have also been a few BIG revelations or concepts that I return to over and over again. One of these is that there IS objective moral Truth, and when we possess the Truth (Jesus), the enemies of our soul can throw whatever lies, half-truths or propaganda they want at us and we will recognize it as garbage because it does not resonate with the Truth within us.

I think this is SO COOL! I love the Holy Spirit!!

I have spent far too many hours reading voter’s pamphlets and newspapers, wading through Internet sites, and watching TV trying to decide who, and what, to vote for. I cannot comprehend that people actually lie and put intentionally misleading information out there just to get their way. Speeches are prepared by professional writers, and lobbyists shamelessly buy votes across the board. The media take advantage of our compassion by presenting heart-wrenching stories and possible outcomes if we don’t vote a certain way. Even children are used as pawns to get votes!

Yet there is Truth. Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6) Now if I have a question about whether or not something is right, I turn to the Catechism. It never fails to provide a precise explanation of what we believe, and why, in light of revealed Truth.

Our hearts are generally disposed in one of two ways. Either we are disposed to hear and receive the Truth, or we aren’t.  Me? I’m like the rebellious son; it takes some time for the Truth to sink in. But when it does, then I am completely convinced and am able to accept the Truth with my whole heart, mind, soul, and strength. Our fallen nature seeks to absolve itself and find excuses for bad behavior. We rationalize, justify, and outright ignore many of the commandments and precepts of the Church while we look at our neighbor and tell ourselves that we are doing is okay because, “I’m not as bad as they are.” I’ve done it!! I’m not proud of this thinking; and through the grace of God I can now see how blind I had become. Yes, blind. Spiritual blindness and malformed consciences allow us to dance merrily down the road to hell, thinking all the while that we are headed in the other direction. For me, being aware of this tendency has allowed me, through prayer, to create kind of a ‘buffer zone’ where, when I hear something that I want to reject, I set it aside and pray about it instead. As I grow closer to the Lord I have happily discovered that these instances of rebellion are less frequent, and I am able to discern more quickly whether it is my ‘self’ or the evil one who is causing the disturbance within me.

Like Adam and Eve we hide from the Father who loves us…………we know what’s right, we know what we should do, yet we still choose the pleasures the world has to offer, rather than building up our treasure in heaven.

I remember clearly how I used to block out those I considered “Bible Thumpers.” Looking back with 20/20 vision I see that I didn’t want to hear what they had to say because it was the truth, and I didn’t want to have to deal with it. I didn’t want to have to change anything, much less admit to myself that I was wrong. The devil is very accommodating in this respect, I had all the excuses and rationalizations I needed and more! But I wasn’t happy, because I was living a lie – I wasn’t living in the Truth that my soul was longing for. Eventually that internal tension and agitation led me to desire more time in solitude and quiet. I wanted to be at church.  I started praying the rosary – every day!  Then God took over and, through His grace, I am no longer the same person I used to be; I am becoming the person He meant me to be all along.

Love & Prayers,


This post is part of a series. The introduction and other articles from the series can be found here once they have been published.



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About Becky Ward

Becky is a wife, mother of four (One in heaven), grandmother of five, and a "re-formed Catholic" who, after receiving the gift of a deep conversion in 2006, and working through the Disciples of Jesus and Mary faith formation program, now considers herself to be "fully Catholic" What this means is that she now, at last, understands and appreciates the beauty of the Catholic faith in such a way that she wants to share it with everyone. "I've heard that the Blessed Mother told a visionary, 'If Catholics really lived their faith, the whole world would be Catholic.' I see the truth in this, and it is my deepest hope to be a living example that draws others to Jesus. Given the nickname Rebel-Becca by her mother, Becky strongly identifies with St. John the Baptist and his call to "make straight the path of the Lord", and with his role as "Friend of the Bridegroom". The poem, "Broken?" written through her hand, is a reflection of the journey of the soul, and Becky explains what the Holy Spirit is teaching her as she writes posts for each stanza.

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