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Is it a Sin to ask for Death?

December 5, 2016 by  
Filed under Challenges, Darkness, Death and Dying, Fr. Bartunek, Sin

Is it a Sin to Ask for Death?

 

Dear Father John, When I am in great despair the temptation is to ask for death. Is that not a sin if despair drives me?

I think you may have an incomplete or inaccurate idea about the nature of despair. When understood as a sin and not simply an emotional experience, despair consists of giving up on God, of freely concluding that “I am such a horrible sinner that not even God can forgive me; I am so unlovable that he will never come to my aid with his grace.” You can see how that attitude can never come from the Holy Spirit, since God’s goodness, power, and mercy are limitless. His grace can always conquer sin and give us hope, just as the Resurrection followed the Crucifixion.

Despair or Anguish?

Here is how the Catechism defines the sin of despair (#2091):

The first commandment is also concerned with sins against hope, namely, despair and presumption: By despair, man ceases to hope for his personal salvation from God, for help in attaining it or for the forgiveness of his sins. Despair is contrary to God’s goodness, to his justice – for the Lord is faithful to his promises – and to his mercy.

We never have to give up hope in God, no matter how bad things get, because we know that he is our Savior and Redeemer, and “with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).

From your brief question, I would surmise that you are not struggling with despair in that sense. Rather, it seems you are struggling with intense sorrow or suffering. It gets so intense that sometimes you wish God would just decide to take you home to heaven right now, so as to give you relief from the darkness. If this is the case, I would say you are experiencing deep and painful anguish, which is not the same thing as committing the sin of despair.

Job and Jonah Pray for Death

jobrebukedbyhisfriendsbuttsset for post on Is it a Sin to Ask for Death?In the Scriptures, Job had a similar experience of anguish. He prayed to the Lord to end his life (Job 6:8-9):

Oh, that I might have my request, and that God would grant what I long for: Even that God would decide to crush me, that he would put forth his hand and cut me off!

The Prophet Jonah lifted up a similar prayer in the midst of his frustration, anger, and anguish (Jonah 4:3):

So now, Lord, please take my life from me;
for it is better for me to die than to live.

Job and Jonah found themselves in a similar emotional state, even though their experiences and triggers were different. You may find yourself in a similar emotional state, even though your triggers are different.

Pray from the Heart

I would suggest that you bring yourself to God in prayer just as you are, perhaps using these passages, or various ones of the Psalms that describe great suffering (like Psalm 88), to give voice to what you are experiencing. Trust that God has not abandoned you, and use that honest prayer as a way to counteract any temptation to despair that may begin to arise in your heart.

God knows how anguished life in this fallen world can become. But he also knows how to bring good out of evil, light out of darkness, holiness out of the crucible of suffering. This is why we always leave the moment of death up to God. Suicide and euthanasia don’t respect God’s wisdom and sovereignty as regards the true value and worth of every human life, no matter how fraught with suffering.

Don’t Go It Alone

I would also encourage you to seek support from real people whom you can meet with face-to-face and pray with and lean on. We are not meant to persevere in our Christian journey all alone. We are meant to walk with each other, to “bear each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2). Reach out. You may find support in fellowship, and then you will also be able to give support to others, perhaps in surprising ways.

I hope this helps. I will say a prayer for you.

In Him,
Fr. John Bartunek, LC

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Art for this post on whether it is a sin to ask for death: Job Rebuked by His Friends, William Blake, 1805, PD-US author’s life plus 100 years or less, Wikimedia Commons.

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About Fr. John Bartunek, LC

Fr. John Bartunek, LC, S.Th.D, received his BA in History from Stanford University in 1990. He comes from an evangelical Christian background and became a member of the Catholic Church in 1991. After college, he worked as a high school history teacher, drama director, and baseball coach. He then spent a year as a professional actor in Chicago before entering the religious Congregation of the Legionaries of Christ in 1993. He was ordained a Catholic priest in 2003 and earned his doctorate in moral theology in 2010. He provided spiritual support on the set of Mel Gibson’s "The Passion of the Christ" while researching the 2005 Catholic best seller, "Inside the Passion"--the only authorized, behind-the-scene explanation of the film. Fr. John has contributed news commentary regarding religious issues on NBC, CNN, Fox, and the BBC. He also served as the English-language press liaison for the Vatican’s 2005 Synod of Bishops on the Eucharist. His most widely known book is called: "The Better Part: A Christ-Centered Resource for Personal Prayer". His most recent books are "Spring Meditations", "Seeking First the Kingdom: 30 Meditations on How to Love God with All Your Heart, Soul, Mind and Strength", and "Answers: Catholic Advice for Your Spiritual Questions". Fr. John currently splits his time between Michigan (where he continues his writing apostolate and serves as a confessor and spiritual director at the Queen of the Family Retreat Center) and Rome, where he teaches theology at Regina Apostolorum. His online, do-it-yourself retreats are available at RCSpirituality.org, and he answers questions about the spiritual life at SpiritualDirection.com.

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  • RobinJeanne

    I’m glad to read and I understand the difference between despair and anguish, now. This topic makes me wonder is there a problem if a person carries the will to die? even in my happy periods, when I lay my head down to sleep, I welcome death. My most consistent prayer all my life since a teenager has been to die. It was understandable up until 15 years ago. I lived life my way and most of the time in sin which brought pain and suffering which resulted in a hate for life. Now that I walk with Jesus, a majority of the time I love my life yet I have no problem with Jesus coming for me. When times are hard, which is just briefly, I really just want to leave this world. I had a horrible fear of flying(I would cry my eye out at the take offs and landings) but when I accepted death, welcomed it, I’m not afraid.Could it just be a bad habit because of 40 yrs of hating life, I don’t know how one has that desire to want to live?

    • Theresa Brown

      RobinJeanne – You should read St. Therese’s Story of A Soul. She rejoiced when she got the first indication of her tuberculosis, not because she hated life, but because she loved the Lord and desired intensely to be with Him. She also knew that her work on Earth would truly begin in Heaven. It isn’t a sin to long for the true union with God we’re all made for.

      • RobinJeanne

        Thank you Theresa, I’ll get the book.

  • The Shepherd’s Daughter

    Thank you, Father, for explaining the difference between despair and intense sorrow and suffering. The Psalms as you suggested has helped me tremendously to get through times of desolation. Reading certain ones is like a friend is saying to me, “I know how you feel.” The line from Psalm 3:6 “…At nightfall, weeping enters in, but with the dawn, rejoicing.” always gives me hope that things will get better. During this time of year when we are being bombarded with the “world’s” view of Christmas, let us keep in prayer for the many who feel overwhelmed. Let us pray for them that they will take this time to draw close to the Lord for comfort and for their happiness. Let us prepare ourselves for the wonderful gift, God our Father, has given to us and not what is under a tree. God bless to all.

  • Kris S.

    An excellent reflection…”we walk by faith and not by sight” and out of our suffering (especially when we unite it with the Body of Christ) comes a new mind, heart and spirit. However, in the midst of suffering the pain can be overwhelming. Jesus himself FELT he had been abandoned by God-but he still cried out to his Father because he TRUSTED in God’s will.

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  • Teresa Briggs

    It takes courage to admit that one is tempted to give up. As much as people say we should express these feelings rather than keep them in, some do not wish to hear more sadness or difficulties from us especially if they have enough of their own to shoulder. Being told to buck up and be a man or some such motto does not help. But God always listens and is closest to us in these times when we may not be able to sense Him. One of the tremendous benefits of sharing suffering is that you will find out, if the other person is honest, that they have suffered as well. No matter what you see on the outside we all carry things that are uncomfortable, that may feel insurmountable at times. The Sacraments and prayer are always there for us, drawing us closer to God and it is an act of will that takes us to the Sacraments. Thank you for the person who asked this question that bears more attention than it generally gets. Thank you Father for addressing it clearly and lovingly.
    “Prayer is the best weapon we have; it is the key to God’s heart. You must speak to Jesus not only with your lips but with your heart. In fact, on certain occasions you should speak to Him only with your heart. – Padre Pio.

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