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How do I Share my Faith when I am Naturally Shy? (Part II of II)

August 19, 2013 by  
Filed under Evangelization, Faith, Fr. Bartunek

…a reader asks: Dear Father John, With the social media we have today (Facebook, etc.), why do I feel hesitant to share God’s messages such as scripture, prayers, testimonies, etc. due to a concern of “negative ramifications.” Although there are few times I am moved by the Spirit to share without a concern, I am mainly too shy to share; when I do share I can’t help feeling my efforts were done in vain as if expecting positive reinforcement. I tell myself it’s my own vanity, pride and concerns of what people think about me that cause this and praying to our Lord to take this away. Father, do you have any words of wisdom or insights to help me? When coming across moving information, do I share only when I am moved by the Spirit, where I have no hesitations and is rare, or do I put effort to share against my shyness? I fear not being fruitful when an opportunity arrives and I want to make the best of my one little talent. 

In our first post, we discussed how everyone is called to be an apostle and how we carry out that apostolate in our way of living, in our words and in our works. Today, we will talk about discerning where and how to serve in accordance with our natural temperament.

Discerning Where and How to Serve

Is everyone called to engage in all of these forms of apostolate in the same way and to the same degree? Absolutely not! Each one of us has a unique relationship with God, a unique experience and knowledge of God, a unique calling from God. And so, each one of us will engage in the apostolate in a highly personalized way. How can we find out how God wants us to do our part? This involves spiritual discernment, which is the fruit of a growing life of prayer, along with some wise guidance from trusted sources.

Discerning how God wants us to serve his Kingdom often involves taking stock of our natural talents, and of the passions we experience in our hearts. For example, when God called Blessed Mother Teresa to start her missionary order, he gave her a deep interior thirst to bring the light of God’s smile to the cast-offs and the abandoned of society, to the poorest of the poor. She felt a deep love and dedication towards them.

So, even before addressing the hesitancy you feel to share your faith, I would encourage you to reflect prayerfully on this question: Lord, how do you want me to help build your Kingdom? How do you want me to exercise my apostolate in the Church? If you are sincere in wanting to know that, he will surely lead you and show you! Once you discover, or deepen in your understanding and identification with what you have already discovered, with where and how God wants you to exercise your apostolate, I believe that you will feel less interior turbulence about when and how much and whether to share your faith through social networks on the Internet.

Grace Builds on Nature

And in the meantime, I would suggest that the tension you feel in that regard is probably not from the Holy Spirit. Someone who by natural temperament tends to be shy should not feel pressured to try and give themselves a different temperament! God’s grace doesn’t usually contradict our nature, but builds on it. I imagine that God will move you to engage in the apostolate of your words within your closer relationships, rather than through broadcasting your opinions far and wide. He will ask you to speak words of encouragement to people you know and interact with, to get to know them and to care for them, to be interested in them and to share with them in a simple and natural way, your own experience of God and his goodness. If you focus on serving and loving those with whom you have regular contact, the apostolate of the word will flow in a peaceful and natural way. You will find yourself overcoming your shyness without even thinking about it. Someone who is by temperament more outgoing might be moved to be a more vocal, broadcasting type of apostolate of the word. Again, God’s grace usually works in harmony with our nature, even while he purifies and elevates it.

This is a good topic for spiritual direction. Speak with your spiritual director about the manifestations and the causes of your shyness. Your director will help you be objective in your own self-evaluation, and give pointers about growing in love, so that the weak points of your natural temperament interfere less and less with your docility to the Holy Spirit.

I am afraid I didn’t give you a simple answer! But I hope and pray that these thoughts will provide at least a little bit of light as you continue “seeking first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). God bless you!

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About Fr. John Bartunek, LC

Fr. John Bartunek, LC, S.Th.D, received his BA in History from Stanford University in 1990. He comes from an evangelical Christian background and became a member of the Catholic Church in 1991. After college, he worked as a high school history teacher, drama director, and baseball coach. He then spent a year as a professional actor in Chicago before entering the religious Congregation of the Legionaries of Christ in 1993. He was ordained a Catholic priest in 2003 and earned his doctorate in moral theology in 2010. He provided spiritual support on the set of Mel Gibson’s "The Passion of the Christ" while researching the 2005 Catholic best seller, "Inside the Passion"--the only authorized, behind-the-scene explanation of the film. Fr. John has contributed news commentary regarding religious issues on NBC, CNN, Fox, and the BBC. He also served as the English-language press liaison for the Vatican’s 2005 Synod of Bishops on the Eucharist. His most widely known book is called: "The Better Part: A Christ-Centered Resource for Personal Prayer". His most recent books are "Spring Meditations", "Seeking First the Kingdom: 30 Meditations on How to Love God with All Your Heart, Soul, Mind and Strength", and "Answers: Catholic Advice for Your Spiritual Questions". Fr. John currently splits his time between Michigan (where he continues his writing apostolate and serves as a confessor and spiritual director at the Queen of the Family Retreat Center) and Rome, where he teaches theology at Regina Apostolorum. His online, do-it-yourself retreats are available at, and he answers questions about the spiritual life at

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  • patricia

    God does not change our nature but builds upon it. Wow I never knew that. I thought change in conversion meant change sometimes in our nature. Thank you Father for the clarity on this matter.

    • LizEst

      This would be a good topic to discuss with one’s spiritual director ; )

      • patricia

        I totally agree in which I will see him on Friday. Liz I ask for prayers I have an interview with a possible practicum site for mental health counseling. I am praying if this is God’s holy will to let it happen. actually I am asking anyone who wishes to pray for me. I used to be shy but life experiences brought me out of that and I always thought God changed me. Thanks for your insight Liz and for yours and everyone’s prayers.

        • LizEst

          I have been praying for you all along…prayed for you at Mass this morning, too! I will certainly pray for your interview and your direction on Friday.

          • patricia

            Thank you Liz I feel your prayers. There is so much going on. I prayed for you at morning mass too. Thank you for your prayers for my interview and spiritual direction. I have a great confessor/spiritual director that has helped me immensely. I am so blessed.
            For everyone else and Liz My faith helps me to come out of my shell of insecurity because with Christ I can be brave and stand up and reach out on my own I am pretty much like a turtle in my shell. Being a missionary and learning different cultures through Christ has helped me to come outside my insecurities. There are times I feel them but I repeat JESUS I TRUST IN YOU, LET ME DO ONLY YOUR HOLY WILL!!! This helps me.

  • RobinJeanne

    I used to be horribly shy growing up. I remember admiring women who were so out going and would talk to anyone, I’d tell myself. I’d say “as I got older” but really it’s more like “after my conversion” I found myself changing in many ways. The Lord called me to teach. It helped that I love children but to stand up there and teach??? When I was a child, I would cry in school when ever I had to stand up in front of the class (after fifth grade) So now I teach 4th graders and some adults and I’m an EMHC and sometimes altar server, all smack dab in front of everyone. Maybe my nature wasn’t shy till the bad incodent in fifth grade, that while God was healing that, He healed the shyness and now my true nature is showing forth…. to speak and fight for the Truth any chance I get. Hmmmm… I my have to do somemore thinking on the fith grade thing because at that same time, I made my confirmation and Joan of Arc was my saint and sometime it does feel like a battle for the Truth. Maybe that’s why the Lord gave me 4th graders, to help strengthen them in their faith, to be able to stand firm befor the enemy….. Long story short, I rearly have shy moments now and when I’m in a crowed room with strangers, I do become shy again and want to run but if I stay long enough I end up talking to someome especially if we talk about religion…. I don’t know how to make small talk with people and so I’m quiet.

    • LT

      RobinJeanne, I am no expert, but to me is sounds like you may just have an introverted personality (that’s not a bad thing). They are not necessarily shy, and can often can speak in public. However, mingling through crowds in a social setting tends to drain rather than recharge them, and they prefer to spend the time in more personal discussions with a trusted friends. If this is who you are, you are a treasure to those who know you well!

      • RobinJeanne

        Thanks LT, I never thought about myself as an introvert…. though in small groups of family or friends, I am not shy but can be a wild and crazy gal(with morals)…. one who loves life!!!

  • Mom told me I was friendly when I was a little kid. But after being bullied through most of elementary and middle school, I grew shy and kept to myself. I can’t relate to what others talk about so I’m just quiet in one corner.
    Something I’ve noticed recently, when I’m with people who are passionate about their faith or working with others at a social action activity, my shyness vanishes. And I’m actually quite friendly. Maybe its because I can truly be myself with these people.
    Perhaps God is guiding me to where I can most be myself. To be what He created me to be. To be where I can best serve Him. To my vocation?

  • Tessye

    What great questions to ask God in my daily prayers (“Lord, how do you want me to help build your Kingdom? How do you want me to exercise my apostolate in the Church?”). I can see how the turbulance is created when relying on one’s own strength and not God’s. God bless you and thank you Father John for simplifying a complex issue, I love how awesome the Holy Spirits works!

    • LizEst

      Yes, in fact, Jesus himself tells us, “Without me you can do nothing” (John 15:5d).

      • Tessye

        Yes, how true this is. And also, God has been helping me to trust in Him more so I can truly give Him my troubles in exchange for His joy & peace. Thank you.

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