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Broken? – Stanza VIII – Part I

April 5, 2013 by  
Filed under Becky Ward, Broken, Poetry


Blinded by success and praises,
of our fellow man trek we.
Developing more innovations,
from pain and death to be set free.

pieta4In 1965, members of the AmericanCollege of Obstetrics and Gynecology decided in an unprecedented manner, that they knew what was best for women, and redefined the term “conception” as shown in the following excerpt from the book “The Contraception of Grief”, written by Dr. Theresa Burke, Ph.D. and others.

 “When a human egg joins with a human sperm (an action known as fertilization), a new 46-chromosomed human being is conceived. By exploiting the hollow and deceptive corridors of language, however, the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology decided to redefine the word “conception” over thirty years ago, coincidentally at the same time that artificial birth control was first being promoted. The new terminology defined conception as occurring not at fertilization, but at the implantation of the blastocyst on the uterine wall, an action which typically occurs a full 1-2 weeks after that new 46-chromosomed human being comes into existence at fertilization. (ACOG Terminology Bulletin. Terms used in reference to the fetus. Chicago, ACOG, no.1, September 1965.)”

Why is this important? Because this redefinition allowed doctors to “honestly” tell women that the pill and intra-uterine devices prevented pregnancy….according to their new definition. The result is that millions of women, who would not dream of having an abortion, have actually done so; usually without knowing it – I am one of them. Statistics in the same book estimate that birth control pills directly cause between 1.53 and 4.15 million chemical abortions per year in the United States – up to two and a half times the number of surgical abortions committed every year. That is staggering!

The soul knows. Several months ago I learned that I did abort a baby while I was using an IUD in the late 80’s, and the grief is enormous! People say that abortion is no big deal. This is a lie; and because of it, women who find themselves feeling empty and full of sorrow after having had an abortion, often have nowhere to turn. Those in the abortion industry don’t want to hear about their misery because it will mess up their ‘agenda’ and destroy their business. They are afraid to tell family and friends because they are ashamed and believe they will be shunned. Even people who do want to help them, often do not understand how deep the pain is and how long the process of grieving can be. They wonder, “Why doesn’t she just get over it already?”

I must acknowledge that, in my ignorance, I have had the same question come to mind when someone has experienced a miscarriage. I have learned though, that in addition to the physical changes experienced when a woman conceives a child, there are also psychic changes that occur. The soul knows, and while it may lie hidden for many years if not given the opportunity to be felt……the soul still grieves the loss of the child. This grief can be manifested in many, many ways that are usually never connected to the abortion or miscarriage.

Much of what I am writing about I have learned in a book titled, “Forbidden Grief” by Dr. Theresa Burke, who founded the Rachel’s Vineyard Retreats for the healing of abortion. I went on one of these retreats this past June (2012) and it was a tremendous blessing for all involved. Please pray for this ministry – they are doing God’s work.

I have struggled with this stanza. There are numerous ways that ‘the powers that be’ in our country and our world have gone astray, placing overwhelming burdens on the backs of trusting men and women, in order to gain a perceived benefit.  There are also areas where science and technology are being greatly misused.  I wanted to include several of these issues in this article, but don’t have the knowledge or experience to do so.

But I do know something about abortion, its evil, and the consequences experienced by all of those connected to it; no one is immune. God has placed in my heart, a desire to pray for, and to provide whatever assistance I can, to those who suffer due to abortion.   Many of those who are lobbying and pushing for more abortion rights fall into the category of what I call, “Misery loves company.” They have had abortions themselves, and cannot face, or choose to ignore, their own pain and sorrow, so they become great supporters of the ‘cause’ because each time another person joins them they can tell themselves the lie that they did the right thing all over again. I did the same thing when I was in high school and started hanging out with the ‘wrong’ crowd, smoking and drinking. I just didn’t know the reason why –  it was because they accepted me.. I also did the same thing each time I learned that another Catholic woman was using artificial contraception; “See, I’m not the only one…it must be okay.”

What possible reason could there be to change the definition of a biological FACT? Sex. The ability to have sex more frequently without the consequences of a baby. You see, we already had a 100% safe and effective means of regulating birth. Abstinence. But that can be painful; one must deny themselves pleasure and exercise some self-discipline. Apparently the cost was too high and they (members of the ACOG), decided that an orgasm was of more value than the integrity of a woman’s body or the life of a child.

The irony in this is that we are never satisfied with something that we can have freely whenever we want it. Things lose their value precisely because of their unlimited availability. On the other hand, things that are rare, things that we can enjoy only once in a while, are savored and looked forward to with anticipation, like Christmas treats, for instance. Those who practice Natural Family Planning (NFP), especially if they have also studied the Theology of the Body (TOB), will tell you that their marriages and sex lives are better because they exercise discipline and self-restraint, and honor the integrity of their bodies as God designed them.

Love & Prayers,


This post is part of a series. The introduction and other articles from the series can be found here once they have been published.

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About Becky Ward

Becky is a wife, mother of four (One in heaven), grandmother of five, and a "re-formed Catholic" who, after receiving the gift of a deep conversion in 2006, and working through the Disciples of Jesus and Mary faith formation program, now considers herself to be "fully Catholic" What this means is that she now, at last, understands and appreciates the beauty of the Catholic faith in such a way that she wants to share it with everyone. "I've heard that the Blessed Mother told a visionary, 'If Catholics really lived their faith, the whole world would be Catholic.' I see the truth in this, and it is my deepest hope to be a living example that draws others to Jesus. Given the nickname Rebel-Becca by her mother, Becky strongly identifies with St. John the Baptist and his call to "make straight the path of the Lord", and with his role as "Friend of the Bridegroom". The poem, "Broken?" written through her hand, is a reflection of the journey of the soul, and Becky explains what the Holy Spirit is teaching her as she writes posts for each stanza.

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  • LizEst

    Yes, Project Rachel (the Rachel Ministries) is a great blessing for those who have had abortions, or promoted them in some way or other. The retreats are for women…and they also have some for men. Our local Rachel Ministry coordinator says they do so much good that every time a retreat is scheduled, the evil ones try to thwart it: the communications lines (phone, internet, email) get disconnected and all kinds of things and mischief happens to try to get them cancelled. There are also support groups, individual counseling, etc. And, there are even special “Rachel priests” who specialize in this ministry. There are Rachel Ministries in every area of the U.S., as well as in other countries: . This ministry truly helps heal the hurt and bring peace to those involved in abortion in some way. I wholeheartedly endorse Becky’s recommendation that we pray for this ministry.

    Thanks for bravely sharing your experiences, Becky, and your struggles with this stanza. You’ve shined the light of truth on a subject that is difficult to write about. God bless you.

    p.s. I also recommend Abby Johnson’s book “Unplanned” for an insight into an abortion clinic and how she left her position as director of the clinic. It is a very quick read.

    • Becky Ward

      Thank you Liz,

      Yes, Abbey Johnson has been a ray of light shining on the deceptions (lies) of Planned Parenthood. 🙂 There is a DVD of her story too.

      I am especially indebted to, and have a great devotion for the priests who serve in the Rachel’s Vineyard ministry. Miracles happen, and the whole retreat is enhanced because they provide a physical reminder of Christ’s presence with us.

      The retreats in my state are open to both men and women, (there are separate sleeping quarters), and they are also open to family members, spouses, grandparents, etc. Abortion hurts us all.

  • Desert Sun Art

    Wow, Becky. Those last 2 paragraphs, especially, says it all. God bless you!

  • Donna

    Thank you for your honesty. I grieve daily for the child I will never hold.

    • Becky Ward

      Praying for you.

    • LizEst

      Some day, God willing, you will hold your child in heaven. As part of the communion of saints, your child prays for you. I do as well.

      • Becky Ward

        Good point Liz. While it is impossible to explain, I believe my aborted daughter’s prayers led me to the Rachel’s Vineyard retreat. And I am now blessed with the grace of sensing her presence with me at special moments as God allows.

        • LizEst

          What a beautiful image of your daughter’s prayers leading you to the Rachel’s Vineyard retreat…and the grace of sensing her presence at special moments as God allows. For Donna’s sake, and for the sake of those in similar circumstances, I’m glad you wrote of this as your words give hope and light to others. God bless you, Becky. I’m still praying for you.

  • Humanity chose the path of self-destruction when we accepted that babies are a liability we do not need. Thus, we literary told God to stay out of our lives!!!!! and yet, we live, we move and have our being as a Gift from Him

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