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Daughter of the King? Marriage Spirituality Part 2 of 4

January 21, 2012 by  
Filed under Dan Burke, Marriage Spirituality

Though monarchies are rare these days, my wife is actually the daughter of a very wealthy King. One of the great benefits of this relationship is that he has expressed in no uncertain terms that he loves me and my family and that we will always be welcome in his care. The challenge is that he is also a very powerful King. Though he is benevolent and kind, I do live with valentinean extra sense of caution regarding how I treat my wife. I know that her father is always aware of how his daughter is feeling about our relationship (in fact, I ran this post by him before I published it!).

In order to properly and consistently remind myself of who’s daughter I married, I often address her as “Daughter of the King” or “DOTK” for short (especially when we correspond via e-mail). This reminds her that I hold her in proper high esteem. It also reminds me that she is not just another woman, but that she is of noble stock and is worthy to be treated as such. Her Father, her lineage, the image of the King she bears in her person, and her lofty position with the King, helps me to be ever aware of the need to treat her like the princess she truly is.

As you might suspect, I am not speaking here of a meager earthly King, but of the great King of the Universe; the one who created and sustains all life, all matter, all being, heaven, and hell. Even more ominous is that this King – who truly does know my every thought, intent, and action toward my spouse, can effortlessly and at any moment withdraw the gift of life and bring me face to face to my final judgment.

Now, it is important to note that I love my wife deeply, and am highly motivated by that love; she is an incredible woman and obviously designed by God specifically for me. However, my higher motivation, the one that transcends all earthly and temporal impulse, is to honor the King of Kings; to conform every aspect of my life to Christ, who condescended to become man, lived a perfect life, suffered, and was crucified on my behalf.

Husband or wife, both are made in the image of God. Both, as St. Peter says, are of noble stock, “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation..” The one whom God has entrusted each of us in marriage is a precious gift in God’s sight. The care of their souls is as serious a charge as one can ever receive in life. This most holy responsibility between man and woman must have as its foundation a total self-giving to one who is of royal lineage, and for whom the King has shed his own blood.

Do you see your spouse as a precious child of the King of Kings? Acquiring and living this vision of who we really are is the beginning of the necessary love and reverence required to launch us into the high calling of helping our spouses to heaven.

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him – Together

Pax Christi – Dan

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Art for this post on marriage spirituality: St Valentine baptizing St. Lucilla, Jacopo Bassano (Jacopo da Ponte), 1500s, PD-US author's life plus 70 years or less, Wikimedia Commons.

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About Dan Burke

Dan is the President of the Avila Foundation, the parent organization of, the Avila Institute for Spiritual Formation, Divine Intimacy Radio and Divine Intimacy Radio - Resources Edition, Into the Deep Parish Programs, the Apostoli Viae (Apostles of the Way) Community, and the FireLight Student Leadership Formation Program, author of the award-winning book, Navigating the Interior Life - Spiritual Direction and the Journey to God, Finding God Through Meditation-St. Peter of Alcantara, 30 Days with Teresa of Avila, Into the Deep, Living the Mystery of Merciful Love: 30 Days with Thérèse of Lisieux, and his newest book The Contemplative Rosary with St. John Paul II and St. Teresa of Avila. Beyond his "contagious" love for Jesus and His Church, he is a grateful husband and father of four, the Executive Director of and writer for EWTN's National Catholic Register, a regular co-host on Register Radio, a writer and speaker who provides online spiritual formation and travels to share his conversion story and the great riches that the Church provides us through authentic Catholic spirituality. Dan has been featured on EWTN's Journey Home program and numerous radio programs.

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  • Really great message, Dan! Speaks eloquently to how we treat those we love most in the world but also how we want to behave ourselves- in keeping with our dignity in Christ! Thanks!

  • jack g.

    I liked your coment on the rocks Dan. I can tell you of my wrekage. I would not be able to even understand the blogers from my rocks. I was living at the gates of hell with my marriage falling apart and a lot of hurt. That had nothing to do with being the daugter or son of God.
    Having said that, God the Father reached out to me. We were almost divorced. I only asked one question. “What do you think about it Holy Spirit?” This was enough of encouragement for God His Mercy ebveloped my life and by now all has changed to almost normal life with lots of blessings and many of the wounds healled.
    Yes, there is ways to go.
    Imagine my lifestyle and problems with 4 children and 3 mothers, two marriages and many addictions. All of it God put in order in about two years, it took Him that long due to my stubborness and other shortcomings.
    That King you are talking about was very sad because of me, He neverthless forgave me and healed our relationship. I actualy start to see my wife as His princess. She would not have noticed as of yet, but it shows in my prayer life a little more.
    For many years I didn’t think of being made in the image of God, I thought of my self as being a god in many ways.
    Now due to all the undeserved graces of conversion I am a comlete opposite in all ways on all the levels of my life.
    I do feel the royal blood flowing in my veins especially after Holy Communion, with love of Jesus, jack g.

  • Sandy

    Thanks Dan for posting Part II on Marriage Spirituality.  I am relatively new to this site so have not read this until now.  Your words are so true, that women are the daughters of the King.  As a client advocate at a local Pregnancy Resource Center, I remind single girls that they should be the queens of their castles, not old dish rags that are thrown out because most of the time the boyfriend is out of the picture.  Now I can remind them that they are the daughters of the King.  Of course, I will continue to tell them that they are the temples of the Holy Spirit and that they can wait until marriage.  I am personally grateful that my husband is a good and holy man.

    • Dear Sandy – thank you for the incredibly important work you do. I pray that you will be able to open the hearts and minds of these women so that they may know the incredible worth of their souls to God. He created each one of them for a relationship with Him. They are truly daughters of the King of Kings. God help the men that treat them in a way that does not reflect this awesome reality.

  • Clare Northern

    thank you- clare

  • Mbtvalli

    Your reply(ies) regarding our imperfect states gives me great hope because of the most evident wisdom and humility, which I have found sorely lacking in the spiritual counsel I have sought in the past.  This is very healing.  Thank you for your honesty.  God bless you!

  • Jeanette

    This post moved me so emotionally! Thank you for putting marriage into such a beautiful perspective…as we practice loving and honouring our spouse as a prefigurement to how to love and honor our God.

  • judeen

    question,,, spiritual marraige.. if one is married, can one become spiritual married? i know the answer is yes… but when is in that call.. does not the love of God drown out the love of spouce? does not the deep love of God make marraige a struggle to just love the spouce deeply… also the jelousy of the spouce… not being love enough… for they know God is everything to them?

  • judeen

    perfect marraiges…. there is none! anger trials , drinking, put downs, forgotten, kids before spouse.. and stuck in a circler pattern until it is broken.. been in a part of marraige that my husband would go out to drink just to get me mad.. (my past would freak me out in certain things..- this is the cause of most fights in marraige. ) the other partner does not know about.1 day God told me not to react.. i watched as evil wanted me mad and bewildered when I did not react. then asked for words,, and so God gave me them to defuse the situation. people say we have a perfect marraige.. it is harder than anyone knows. but we work at it

  • Jdandrow

    I loved this. It is a great message. I sent it to my daughters as an example of what God’s plan for marriage is…I hope they meet a man that feels that way about them and that they will grow in faith hope and love together as they follow Him.

  • Rubikat12

    This is so beautiful and portrays exactly what will help a woman to feel loved and secure by her husband.  I unfortunately did not experience this kind of thinking or experience being lived out by my late husband; I hold high hopes for the future if that be His will for me.

  • Jeanette

    A Sister of Life told me over a year ago that husband and wife are to make each other holy. I had never heard that before and it has stayed with me ever since. And I thought of this when I read your post. I so enjoyed your words…I had such a smile on my face. You are a wonderful example of how a marriage should be. Blessings to you Dan and to your wife Stephanie!

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